if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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