Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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