He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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