Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
