Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
