dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
