Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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