I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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