I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
