I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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