Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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