glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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