there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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