omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
