i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
