Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
