you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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