she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
