So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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