You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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