**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
