Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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