I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize