im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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