Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
