Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
