D3 body, D1 cock
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
