I just saw a hot homeless man
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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