I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
