dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
