i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
