Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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