bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
