I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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