I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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