I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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