there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
