I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
