she was so not down for the gang bang
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
