if you like me you must not know who I am
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
