TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is my gift to your gina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize