it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
