This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
