It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
