We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
