Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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