.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
