whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
