in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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