How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
