I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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