At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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