I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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