Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
