Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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