When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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