areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
