wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
