when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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