I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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