Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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