he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
