Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
