Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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