I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
