So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
