The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
