P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
